Family intruigues and friends

A week or so ago my aunt, the younger one, sent me a textmessage on the phone. She asked me what kind of gift she would give my brother for the graduationday, if he liked jewellery and so on. I didn’t answer it. First; I really think she should turn to my mother, her sister, before she goes to me and secondly; she didn’t come for my graduationday or get me a present. I don’t want to sound petty and I know she would have “forgotten” my brother too if it weren’t because she’s turning forty this sommer and wants us to remember her, but it really bothers me that she acts like she actually have forgotten about forgetting my graduation. I don’t know why I even care but it makes me really sick and tired of her. Then yesterday she texts me again but this time starts with telling me that my cousin is at hospital about to give birth to her first baby and asks me again about a present for my brother. I shouldn’t have answered it this time either but I did. Mum texted me shortly after also telling me about my cousin and I felt like she should have been the first one to tell me and not my aunt. Then I whished I had told my auntie that I allready knew about it but most of all I whished that I hadn’t even opened her textmessage. But I did and I answered her texts. I’m too fucking wellbehaved. I don’t know why but I feel really bad that mum wasn’t the first to tell me that Marlene, my cousin, was at hospital or that they had to let the baby out with Caecarean section. It just feels wrong, as if auntie stole the newsrights from my mum. I haven’t told mum that her sister beat her at it because I actually think that she will be disapointed if she knew. Right now I have to say that my aunt is not in my best favour. I’m thinking of ruining her birthdayparty by telling everyone about my future sexchange and so stealing the spotlight from her but I know I’ll never dare. Unless she makes me hate her right there and then maybe. But then poor mum will be exposed to. She havn’t quite accepted it yet.
Anyway, atleast mum was the one to tell me that the surgery whent fine at that they had a healthy little babygirl whos name is going to be Jessica. It was great news and it really helped my spirits up! (and now I don’t need to worry about that it might be a boy and that they would name him Gabriel ;)

Yesterday was also the day for our schoolball. It was faboulus but only because I spent it with my three best friends on this school. Dar looked amazing in her black halterneckdress with deep neckline, but then again, she always looks amazing to me. Well, to be honest I suppose it’s more my liking her persona that makes her more beautiful than she already is but still; I think most people would find her to be a good looking young woman.
After the dinner, the “dance” and the dessert we whent to Linda’s room to chat and have a beer and Jack Daniel’s. It was nice. We were thinking of going to “Logen” where there would be a liveband playing but it was raining and at eleven o’clock it would be icehoskey on TV. I’m not interested but to make them stay I kept reminding them about it. When the game started we moved over to Fröding. While Isa and Dar watched the game Linda and I sat in my room chatting. L has this gift of making me talk, a lot. At least with my standards, and it’s actually nice, but I think the key is that she’s asking questions and like Lena the curator she actually seems interested and I trust her. She has turned out to be a great friend and I’ll really miss her when I’m going home. But I don’t think we’ll have any problems keeping contact since we both have Cruiser. It’ll be harder with Dar and hardest with Isa. This will sound really cold but it feels like Isa and I have the kind of contact that if we run in to each other in town we’ll have a “feeka” (en fika) somewhere and have a nice chat or so but not make any big efforts of keeping contact. When it comes to Dar and I it’s more complicated. I know I’ll miss her even more than Linda because of what she makes me feel when she’s around. I’m whole then, safe and happy. But how will we be able to keep in touch when we’re both so reserved and I’m still afraid of pushing her away with my affection to her? How? I whish I knew, I really do.