I’m feeling, I don’t know, all pushed up against a corner or something. No where to run or hide, I have to meet whatever’s coming to me. And I don’t feel like I can curl up and cry like a child either because I know I can do what’s needed; if only I had a little more time. Yes, of course it’s schoolwork I’m talking about. What else? I haven’t borrowed money from some fishy mobster in the neighbourhood, dha. It’s coming down on me. It’s not much, really, and not complicated either but it’s laying there waiting for me in an nice little row in my calendar. And it freaks me out. How am I suppose to consentrate on ONE of these things when I know there’s more to come?! For tomorrow: a column about whatever I want, finnish the book. Friday: schoolpram and I’m wearing a costume and considering to tell my friends that my name is to become Gabriel. Tuesday: Eng C, oral bookpresentation and Dar is not there as moral support. Wednesday: exame in samhälle. Friday: maybe time for a new tattoo. Saturday: Geijerskolans dag; the class is reading poems in public. Wednesday: I’m gonna present a big philosofy project I volentered for since I can’t work in a group.

Weep! I’m like smoked! I can do this but yet I can’t. My poor self will be in total turmoil when school is finally over. I hate stress! It feels like I need some kind of help with this but I’m not sure what kind and who I should ask for it. Perhaps I just need someone to seat me at a desk and tell me that this and that is what I need and all the rest is just unimportant and stupid for a while. I must be able to do that myself too. *deep selfpittying sigh* And my religion teacher thinks I can study at a uneversity..ptf!

Yesterday I was in town with Dar. She said a whole lot of very intresting things that I won’t tell you about here but made me think. She’s good at that. Making me think both more and better, I hope. How can I not love her for that? Soulmate or not, romance or not, I love her in so many ways and all together it becomes a very interestning and new kind of love for me that is indefinable but wonderful.

Jeeze, I'm in a crazy mood!