Ghosts from the past

Sometimes we meet people from the past that we wished we hadn’t. They might be old tormentors from kindergarden or playground bullies, just someone you can’t stand the sight of from no explainable reason or the King or Queen from your old school. You know you’re bound to meet them again, the world really isn’t that big and sometimes you have to go back to your old neighbourhood.

That’s exactly what happened to day. I’d been in H-vall with mum and on they way home I realized that I’d forgot to buy Aftonbladet and the Harry Potter film one can buy with it so we had to stop in Delsbo where I’ve spent at least ten and a half year in pre-school and primary school. I knew that on Ica there’s a girl my age working who treated one of my closest friends really badly together with a gang of like-minded bitches once upon a time when we were teenagers. I didn’t want to see her so when mum suggested the gas station instead I quite gladly agreed. But who’s behind the counter if not an old classmate who seemed to have a thorn in the side towards me throughout all our nine years in primary school!? I don’t even know what I’ve ever done him. The instant I saw him I felt a pang of uneasyness, almost fear, like a flinch and perhaps I even did flinch physically but the same instant I gave him a hearty “Cha!” and whent straight for the newspapers. I can only hope it looked natural and selfreasured. I didn’t look him straight in the face again after that first look when I came in through the door and that can either be interpreted as uninterest or shame. I don’t know. He always had a way to make me feel ashamed for my very existance of some reason. We didn’t say an other word to each other, other than when I said “thanks” and “cha” again as a goodby.

It all was pretty uneventful and there’s no way for me to know what he thought or felt about seeing me again. I’m just glad I was wearing jeans and a dark short-sleaved men’s shirt- shouldn’t be a surprise for him to see me all tomboyish as usual. I can imagine that he thought “she’s just the same”. I’m curious though what he’ll think the day I come there as Gabriel. Perhaps he won’t even recognise me.

When I told mum who I saw she said that I should’ve talked to him and said something like “so here you stand?” (he’s always been one of those people who see themselves as better than others and I’d think he had something else in mind than becomming a gas station clerk) then tell him about my job as a computer programmer or whatever in Uppsala. And you know what? I can totally imagine myself making up some fake job, home and partner just for the fun of bullshitting people and having them tell all their friends (and my former “friends”) about my good fortunes in life XD

I’m home at my parents place now for a week. They’re going to Scottland and I’m going to take care of the cat.

Later