The unknown

The future. That big uncertain blur of a time yet to come. It’s right in front of you and yet avaisive, untouchable and impossible to know. It’s a shadowland of possibilities and trip wires, nothing’s clear and what might seem a great opportunety might turn into a living nightmare if you’re not careful.

And yet I’m just happy to have one. As a kid I thought of my future as a great adventure into unexplored territory where anything was possible and wonderful treasures could be found. As a teen that adventure turned dark and threatning. For every treasure there’s a monster to defeat and I learned that some monsters would be stronger than I am. I learned fear.

Now I’m suppose to be an adult. I fear many things but now know that sometimes you don’t always have to defeat the monsters only know what they’re about and if you can’t beat them, beat it. Run. Before you charge in with the intent of defeating every monster or die trying make sure the treasures are worth it. If it ain’t don’t bother. If it is, spare nothing and go on with your adventure. Don’t and you’ll live to regret it.

That’s what makes it so hard to decide. There’s many possible rutes to take here, all leading up to places I want to be but none certain to be within my reach. I don’t like to gamble and wouldn’t walk into a dark tunnel with not so much as a match to guide my way. There could be holes to fall into and what if I can’t climb out? If I step this or that way I’d like to know some of what to expect. Of course, even then things might not be what they seem and I’ll miss an opportunity or take one that I can’t possibly manage. Or maybe I worry for naught. Maybe it turns out I can fly and that hole is nothing to be afraid of. But if I couldn’t fly yesterday then chanses are I won’t be able to tomorrow either. Just because I’ve got wings on my back it doesn’t mean I can fly. Maybe I’m a glider and if that leap is too far I’ll end up in a pit where my wings are pretty but useless.

That’s why I’ll try bungy jump.