Geijerskolans dag

I forced myself up about 8 o’clock to break tha fast coz I knew I would die if I didn’t eat before the big moment (an empty tom-tom makes you break down easier and it hurts more if you have to puke and there’s nothing to bring up). But everything whent fine. I didn’t puke and I never felt that mind wrecking fear and anxiety that causes me to runaway and hide ‘til the danger’s gone. As I did Monday and refused to cooperate. It feels silly now but back then I was dead sertain the cockroach would be extinguished, now I know we are all cockroaches and beatles and we’re all beautiful in our own ways. Any way, I did good and so did everyone else. But I don’t think it’s over yet. I’m not cured just because I did this today but I climbed yet an other step on my mental ladder.

An other thing that I find amusing and not a little bit reasuring is that I was, as usual, “more” dressed up than anyone else in my class (and by that I mean that I wore costume with a tie while everyone else was dressed up in a more casual way) which would normaly make me feel like an idiot but didn’t today. People comented it in a way that made it feel very right even though I was “too” dressed up compared to most others. I guess it has to do with the accepting and free attitude of this school and the people attenting it. I remeber manny times when I’ve been “too much” and felt like a jerk; here I felt like me. I told people I dressed for confidence (in my self) and I didn’t lie coz it worked. I felt handsome, strong and secure like a guy that knows what he wants an can take care of himself. I liked it. I want to feel that way more often. And most of all I want to feel that people accept, respect and appreacheate me even if I dress like that. Like they seem to do here.

An now, brace yourself: Our own school chaplain stralled about with his white thingy in his shirt collar and made me think of Antonio in Sunset Beach- oh my godforsaken distrubed brain and soul almost couldn’t take my eyes off him! I hear some people turn on to uniforms but I got catholic priests and all you need is to be male, have a black shirt and a white thingy in your collar. And add gay to that...(yes, I am a sick fuck) And just for the record, our chaplain is neither gay nore catholic; his married, have kids and is way too old for me (but not old). But when he puts that thing on (can someone please tell me what it’s called?) then mmm...you got the picture, enjoy it >)

Eurovison now. Have to watch. Nightynight.